The 100-200 block of West Main

Is an alcoholic internet junky's delight--seems others have followed Genna's lead: laptop wielders sandwiched in Paradise can suck down queer Irish and Adair's wifi... which allows us to bring you this unconscionable excerpting of a Townes Van Zandt bio, (theoretically pegged to a Cowboy Junkies show at the Majestic) by a journo/prof/multi-instrumentalist who last recorded for Crustacean. And this further exploration of the majesty of Shopbop.com.

Shop @ MoCo, you big Mo!

Since we noticed they recently had the misfortune of their Google Ads circulating here, we're taking a moment to suggest that you patronize Modern Convenience--aka MoCo--Market.

Also, feel free to click liberally on the other ads. We'd like to buy a condo and get a house account there. 7-11 for rich people foodies! Sushi!

But does it come from Moonies? No George Herbert Walker.

overheard in madison: not in the sense of having a ____ or a _____?

Could you play something that's not so disrespectful to women?

--male "dancer" to female DJ @ Bassett Street house party, Saturday, 6/2

The song was relayed to us as being one of those that recommends ass-shaking. Perhaps using the subjunctive. After careful deliberation, we conclude it must've been Booty Bass' "Shake That Ass Bitch."

Maybe he was ashamed he couldn't get down like this:

sipping MADMILK

Did last week's Savage Love unilaterally restore Wisconsin's claim to Dairyland supremacy? California may have surpassed our fair state in sheer volume of mucus pumped yearly, but surely the per capita tally on dairy-centric kink swings midwesterly?

My wife and I have discovered a wonderful new kink. Through time and practice at suckling/pumping/Marmet Technique, we began to get her to lactate. We now have an Adult Breastfeeding Relationship (ABR).

I'm a dom and she's a switch in our part-time BDSM relationship. So our ABR not only includes loving moments of me nursing, but also me "forcing" her to lactate via a specialized spanking bench I constructed with attached breast pumps. (I'm the evil doctor when I strap her into this vile contraption.) ABR is ideal for medical-fetish scenes, animalization play, or adult-baby scenarios. But an ABR is a serious undertaking. Once the milk comes in, you have to avoid engorgement. There's no "I'm mad at you, so I'm not going to nurse tonight."
--Madison Active Dom Madly Into Lactation Knowledge

Don't even try to pretend that the Madison in question wouldn't be bound found in Dane County. MAD acronym prefixes are the province of over-enthused residents of such. Or advice columnist spoofers. [UPDATE: It's national dairy month! Coincidence?]

As for the column's presentation...

Before the inevitable trip to wikipedia, we puzzled over spanking bench design. The Onion AV Club's visual aid wasn't particularly helpful:

Drawn by Madisonian (still?) Misako Takashima, the graphic omits any bench-like contraption.

Savage Love is widely syndicated, but for certain obvious reasons we regard the Stranger and Onion as its most natural "homes." We hadn't considered that there'd be much differentiation between the two, beyond edits* mandated by scarcity of space in the respective print editions, but...

"For years, Stranger art director Joe Newton has softened the shock of Savage Love with his always-adorable, frequently filthy drawings of kitties and bunnies."

[via unrelated charticle]

OK, Newton's pic was equally seatless, but titillated enough that a future post will study every filthy-cute cartoon associated with the column's syndication. We assume there are others, but some cheap rags seem to run it text-only.

^{* Savage's strangelove response: "Thanks for sharing, MADMILK." The corresponding sentence in the Onion: "Thanks for sharing, MADMILK—and thanks for the mental images that only a month's worth of heavy drinking will be able to erase."}